• Katherine Thornalley

Dear Husband - I promise to love you

Dear Husband,


We fell in love before the children, not because we have children. And I know that its not always easy to remember that. But I must tell you that I love you more now than I ever have. But its not always easy for me to show it. The children were meant to be an extension of our love. Sometimes I’m tired, sometimes the mess that you all make drives me crazy.



Sometimes, the fact that you can leave the house effortlessly and without question fills me with jealousy. Sometimes, listening to you snore at night whilst I lie awake feeding our baby makes me envy you. Sometimes, when you are on business trips and I’m left with the poorly children at home I resent it. Sometimes, when the children have been crying a lot in the day and needing extra cuddles, I'm not good at giving you the attention and love that you want because I just want to be alone, and I'm touched out. Please be patient with me. These actions do not mean that love you any less.


At times when I'm stressed and emotional, and my hair has not seen a hairbrush in a couple of days, and there's trails of snot down my t-shirt, I need you to tell me that I'm perfect for you. When the children are tired and screaming at the end of the day, I need you to step in and take them for a bath so that I can reset. When I’m down and tired, I need you to kiss my forehead and tell me everything is going to be ok.


The mum responsibility does fall on my shoulders heavily, but I must remember to tell you that. I try to hold it all together for our family's sake, but if I do not talk to you, then I am also at fault. I must remember that we are a team. And I must share my load. Not wait for it all to reach boiling point before losing my head, and blaming you. And I hope that you can talk to me, too. You have worries and I know you feel the pressures of fatherhood, because you can't bear the thought of letting us down. I see your struggles, and I want you to be open with me. But know this: you never let us down, you make us proud everyday.


I promise to tell you when I feel overwhelmed. If you promise to listen without judgement. I promise to remember to smile at you through the hard times and acknowledge your presence. If you promise to look at me in the same way that you did when we first fell in love. I promise to stop complaining about the constant mess. If you promise to stop ignoring it. I promise to include you in my decisions as a mum. If you promise to include me in your decisions with work. But most of all, I promise to remember why we fell in love. If you promise to remember too.

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